'Being nice about it hasn't worked': New neighbor's 23-year-old son keeps stealing couple's cat and holding it in their apartment, his mom refuses to cooperate and lies on his behalf, leaving the couple hopelessly seeking help

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Jan 13, 2026 10:00 AM EST

What would you do if your neighbor repeatedly took your cat and refused to listen to reason?

We don't know what we would do. How do you deal with a situation like that? We've heard this story from the opposite side a bunch of times. We have heard of neighbors neglecting their cats and people having to step in and rescue them. We have heard of neighbors' cats coming to visit other neighbors, choosing their homes as their new ones. We have read it, and repeatedly, we have taken the side of the person that the cat chose. Because that's only right. But what if it's not always that simple? What if the framing of the person telling the story is so heavily tilted to making us take their side that we don't take into consideration the other side as well?

That is the side of the person telling their story today. Their neighbors keep stealing their cat - that is how they describe the situation. We don't know if the neighbors would describe it in the same way, but that is the side that we have today, and… we're with them. It is pretty clear that their cat is being stolen rather than choosing new people over bad people. And that left them with the same question that we have… what the heck do you do? 

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  • 01
    picture of a ginger cat outside
    via Unsplash / Marnhe du Plooy - marnhe

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    We LOVE our cat, but, since he's a rescue, he did come with a few quirks. One of these quirks is that he has to be an indoor-outdoor cat. We have tried several times to transition him into an indoor-only cat and have failed miserably every time.
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  • 03
    If he's forced to stay inside for longer than he tolerates, he will spray pee in the house, scratch at any and all surfaces around any door, scratch at windows, blinds, and anything else nearby, and he will howl for hours. He will wake us up in the middle of the night, howl for hours at a time during the day, and he can get LOUD - like, louder than a dog.
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  • 04
    We consulted with his vet, and she said that the only real solution was to get him fixed, so we did that. We got him fixed 2 months after we adopted him, and his behavior didn't change.
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  • 05
    We took him back to the vet and consulted with her again, and she said that with his history, and with how old he already was, it's pretty much impossible to train these behaviors out of him. She said that the best thing to do, for his happiness and ours, was to keep him fully vaccinated and to teach him routines that'll help keep him safe.
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  • 06
    So, that's what we did. He's a very territorial cat, most of the other outdoor cats in our neighborhood are the same, so he never went far from our backyard. He usually stays either in our yard, or in the small wooded area behind our yard. I can usually see him throughout the day from my back door.
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  • 07
    And this made it pretty easy to establish a routine with him. Every morning I would go to the back porch and call him in for breakfast, after breakfast I would check him over for any cuts or scrapes, he would take a nap, and then he would go back outside when it was time for our toddler to take a nap. Usually he would come back inside for dinner later on in the day and take another nap, but he wasn't required to.
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  • 08
    If he had any serious injuries, like an open wound, any big scabs, or if he was having a dry skin breakout (he has a skin condition and gets this seasonally), I would put his plush donut cone on his head, apply ointment or coconut oil, and keep him inside for a day or two. This routine worked well for us for over 2 years, and our cat followed the routine obediently. That is, until, our upstairs neighbors moved in about a year and a half ago.
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  • 09
    A mother, her son, and her daughter moved into the upstairs apartment where the affection with our cat started small at first. The son of the family would pet our cat when he saw him outside. Then they started going on walks together. Then they would sit together in the backyard. I never had a problem with this, and thought it was rather sweet. Until, he started taking our cat up to their apartment.
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  • 10
    I spoke with his mom about it, and she said that sometimes our cat would just follow her son up to their apartment after they went on a walk together, and that her son loves cats. I told her that it wasn't a big deal if that happened sometimes, but to please not keep him up there too often. Our cat still needed to come downstairs for his daily check-up, and if he spent too much time inside of their apartment, he would run from me and not come inside of our apartment when it was time.
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  • 11
    Well, then, her son started sneaking our cat into their apartment after his mom left for work. Now, i guess here is a good place to state that until very recently, I thought this boy was a high school student. He has some pretty big physical disabilities, so I never found it strange that he didn't go to school.
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  • 12
    I just figured that he was probably homeschooled so that he wouldn't have to strain his body all day or deal with crappy schools who can't afford proper accommodations. But, no, his mother mentioned a few weeks ago that he is 23 years old! 23! I'm 25! he's two years younger than me, keep that in mind.
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  • 13
    At this point, things have escalated a lot. Our cat doesn't come in the mornings when he's called anymore. I will go days without seeing him, or being able to get him inside. This has caused his skin outbreaks to get very severe in the spring and summer, and it makes me constantly worried about him. I'm used to seeing him throughout the day every day, not once every 2-3 days. That's not a safe way to monitor a cat.
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  • 14
    When our cat does come inside, he sneaks into our front hallway and runs up to the neighbors front door. He tore up their door seal, scratching to be let in. The mom complained to my husband about it, and my husband offered to replace it. She said that it was fine, but that we needed to keep a better eye out for him.
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  • 15
    I spoke with her the next day and told her once again that we would replace the seal, she declined, but that he really should stop being let into their apartment. I gave her my number, and told her to text me if he comes to their door again and that I would come and get him.
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  • 16
    She never messages me first. The only time she'll text me is when I text her, asking her if she's seen my cat because I haven't been able to find him in days. She'll then reply and say that he's in their apartment. After I asked her to not let him be up there!
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  • 17
    Then, about two weeks ago, a nightmare situation happened. Our cat got hurt pretty badly on his neck. He should've gone to the vet, but I didn't even know that it happened! The boy upstairs came and knocked on our door and told my husband about it. My husband then went and got our cat, saw that the wound was already mostly healed, and asked the boy how long he'd known about it.
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  • 18
    When the boy couldn't give my husband a straight answer, my husband told him thank you for letting us know, but to stop taking him upstairs. The boy just brought our cat back upstairs a few days later after he was all better and allowed to go outside again!
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  • 19
    Now, the mom has stated to me several times that she doesn't want our cat up there. But her behavior doesn't match what she says, at all. She only ever says this when we confront her. She says that she refuses to buy him a litter box, even though her son keeps asking her, like that's supposed to make us feel better. And she says that she doesn't want to get in trouble with the land lord for the cat scratching things up.
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  • 20
    Now, I think this is an important thing to note. Our cat is a TERRIBLE hunter. Like, actually god awful. And, he has digestive issues, and is on a special diet. We told our upstairs neighbor this, and asked her to, please, never feed him. Tell me why he stayed at a consistent 11 pounds up until he started going to their apartment.
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  • 21
    At his last vet appointment, our cat was 14 pounds and he's gotten way bigger since then. Either he had a MAJOR breakthrough with his hunting capabilities, or someone else is feeding him. He also has a flea allergy, and his flea medicine isn't as effective when he's overweight.
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  • 22
    Yes, he's microchipped, and the neighbors know this. But I genuinely don't know what to do. The son blatantly ignores us when we confront him, the mom will say one thing but never really enforce what she says, and the son just does whatever he wants when she's at work. I'm not sure if he has any mental disabilities or not, I've never asked. But this is getting to a point where it's jeopardizing our cat's health and wellbeing. I also just really miss my cat. I want to spend Christmas with him, no
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  • 23
    I genuinely don't know what I can do to get our neighbors to stop treating our cat like he's theirs. We've confronted them several times, and I don't want to be rude out of fear that they might retaliate using my cat. But my husband has been rude, several times, and nothing has changed.
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  • 24
    Maybe I should consult a different vet and give keeping him indoors another try? We've tried twice in the past, and we all just ended up miserable, but maybe we should try again? I just wish we could go back to how things used to be before our neighbors moved in upstairs.
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  • Look, we don't want to make excuses, but we will. The son, being 23 years old and potentially having some kind of disability, to us, means that he should get some kind of a pass in a situation like this. Cats are irresistible, we understand him to some level. The one who cannot get any kind of pass is the mother. And she certainly has no right to be upset about the cat being in their house if she is not willing to do anything about it to get the cat out of there. Lying for the son makes it even worse. 

  • 25
    picture of a cat lying on a porch
    via Unsplash / Ash Edmonds

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 26
    First of all, thank you to the few who were actually kind and who left some very helpful information and suggestions in the comments. To the people who were saying that I should just let my neighbors steal my cat, that I don't love him, or that he doesn't love me: fuck. you.
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  • 27
    Also, to the commenters that asked: yes, my cat does interact with my other neighbors. And, no, he's not a nuisance. He knows 2 of their work schedules and will wait on the sidewalk for affection when he knows they're going to be coming and going from their apartments to the parking lot.
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  • 28
    I also have an elderly neighbor who my cat will follow to the mailboxes every day when he goes to get his mail. All of my neighbors think that it's adorable and joke with us frequently about how we have the most affectionate cat in the neighborhood. But he's never gone up to anyone's apartment.
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  • 29
    He won't even go inside the other building because he knows it's not his. This made me reconsider what I've been told from my neighbors vs what I've seen with my own eyes. Like, I've been told that he loves being in the upstairs apartment, but it doesn't really line up with everything else I know about my cat.
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  • 30
    The same day I wrote my post I found my cat with yet another strange injury. And it really made me think back on the comments who found it strange that he went 2 years without any injuries aside from a cut here or a scab there, but now he seemed to be getting them more and more frequently. And it made me wonder if my neighbor was either intentionally hurting him, or setting up scenarios in which my cat could get hurt.
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  • 31
    My husband disagrees with this possibility, but we're both considering that maybe our cat is a few years older than his original vet's estimate. It's really hard to tell the age of a cat once they hit adulthood, and we were told 3 years ago that he was likely between ages 2-3, but that she wouldn't be surprised if that estimate was off by 2-3 years.
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  • 32
    If my vet was correct, then that would make my cat around 5-6 right now, but his behavior, how often he's been getting hurt, and him spending more time indoors leads us to believe that he may be closer to 8 or 9 years old. This would also explain why a lot of his medical conditions are getting worse with age.
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  • 33
    So, we've committed to trying once again to convert him to be an indoor cat. It's been well over a year and a half since we last tried, and we've rescued yet another kitten this Christmas who our cat has slowly been grooming and parenting over.
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  • 34
    We were going to send this one to the rescue like we did with the others, but the rescue was full, so we decided to just keep her. And she is terrified of the outdoors which seems to be encouraging our cat to stay inside with her as well.
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  • 35
    But, just in case, I bought a camera. We do have a 4-month-old puppy who has to go out every hour and a half, as he's still potty training. And this is usually when my cat escapes outside.
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  • 36
    So, in case my cat escapes, I bought a motion detection camera like one commenter suggested. This way, even if my cat goes outside, I can keep a better eye on him and keep a better eye on my neighbor.
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  • 37
    I don't intend to spy on them, but if I see our neighbor coming into the yard and trying to carry my cat inside, I'll be able to catch him in the act and intervene. We also plan to be much more confrontational about our cat, because being nice about it hasn't worked.
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  • 38
    Thank you again to the commenters who gave helpful suggestions. I feel like we have a much better course of action planned, when, before, I was in a state of panic and distress and had no idea how to even begin solving the issue. I feel so much more prepared now and I'm ready to fight for my cat.
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  • 39
    picture of a ginger cat playing with a bug outside
    via Unsplash / zhang kaiyv

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • It's such an easy position to take - saying that someone who lets their cat outside is a “bad owner” who doesn't care about their cat's safety. It's a scapegoat. It really is not always easy. Of course we support cats being indoor cats - for a plethora of reasons, starting and ending with the fact that indoor cats live longer, healthier lives than outdoor ones. With that said, not every situation is that simple. And considering the fact that you have made the choice that you did with the help of your vet, keeping your cat's best interests in mind, after having tried to keep him indoors… it sounds like you are doing the right thing. And it very much sounds like you love your cat with all your heart. 

  • 40
    Hi, I'm the original OP, and yes, I did delete my post after getting absolutely flamed in the original comments. But I am happy to report that our upstairs neighbor is finally cooperating with us! We had a heart to heart with the mom, and she said shes willing to help be more enforcing with her son.
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  • 41
    Last night, our cat ran out the back door when we were bringing in groceries (it was a stupid mistake, I know), and I texted her immediately asking her that if she sees him to please text me and not let him inside her apartment. She was at work at the time (around 6pm), but then texted me at 11 when she got home that her son did in fact bring our cat upstairs.
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  • 42
    She told us immediately and we got him back in our apartment! My husband also overheard her absolutely chewing her son out as he went to collect our cat, so I hope it made an impact on him.
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  • 43
    How the neighbor boy managed to catch him when I couldn't, I have no idea. But I am suspecting that maybe he has some sort of food that my cat isn't allowed to have and that's how he lures my cat away. It would explain why my cat doesn't run, and would explain the weight gain. But, at least the mom is being cooperative for now, and we still plan to transition our cat to be an indoor cat.
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  • 44
    We can't control someone else's grown son, and we don't want to persecute a whole house for one guy's neglectful actions. So, keeping him indoors is just for the best. While I did get flamed in the comments of the original post, they had a point. I was prioritizing my cat's happiness over his health, and that is irresponsible.
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  • 45
    I also had a bunch of family over for the holidays and after a conversation with my stepsister, and a bunch of mean ass comments on Reddit, I realized that my house has gotten a lot fuller and a lot louder since we first got our sensitive cat. When we first rescued him 3.5 years ago, it was just him and our axolotl.
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  • 46
    So, we've decided to make him his own custom space in our bedroom for him to get away and have some quiet time. He's our only pet who's allowed in our bedroom, and our closet is the perfect space to build him his own custom climbing space.
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  • 47
    I don't know if this comment will reach anyone, but thank y'all for being a much kinder reddit community, and I hope this is the update y'all were hoping for. This will most likely be an ongoing thing for us until we finally get the house of our dreams, but I feel so much better now that my cat has been removed from such a dangerous and difficult situation.
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  • 48
    picture of a cute cat with a bowtie
    via Unsplash / River Kao - kiteriver

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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